All posts in category the antidote is also the poison
roy montgomery – kafka was correct
Posted by sean on July 1, 2022
https://sd-stewart.com/2022/07/01/roy-montgomery-kafka-was-correct/
seefeel – ‘through you’
days of nothing to say, nothing to write–only music to transpose feeling from within
Posted by sean on August 10, 2017
https://sd-stewart.com/2017/08/10/seefeel-through-you/
diminuendo*
One feels a certain compulsion to vanish into incomprehensibility. To pack up meaning into a suitcase and shove it under the bed. Nothing said or written can be understood. Therefore I understand nothing, and yet I am no longer concerned. The questioning strain withers on the vine. The inquiring train stops dead on the tracks. This concern of yours is no longer mine. Neither is mine yours. What concern is or ever was. Definition, please (irony!).
Concern (noun): (1) something that relates or belongs to one; (2) matter for consideration; (3) an uneasy state of blended interest, uncertainty, and apprehension (Source: Merriam-Webster [truncated from original]).
Imagine a life lived in this uneasy state: perpetual ‘concern’ over various undiminished ‘concerns’. Imagine this state existing inside a stopped train, or clinging to a dead vine—dangling from said vine, about to fall but never indeed falling. Imagine inhabiting an indefinable state while trying to define it. For what purpose.
An enormous sense of loss yawns following a century of troubled sleep. I stick my finger in its cavernous mouth as a joke. It is not amused. Down my throat this finger crawls to oblivion, causing grave intestinal distress. The gut: canary in the coalmine for all imbalance in the body—a dark coiled mystery we prefer not to unravel (think about how long it is). When what happens in the gut stays in the gut we are in trouble. Serious trouble.
A portrait materializes of a mind in a state of atrophy. Stare upon it, cock one’s head to either side (it doesn’t matter which), place one’s chin upon one’s fist (your choice), and consider the mind’s half-life. When it fails to half warning signs erupt. At this point one must choose the route of optimist or pessimist. The half-life point. Mind semi-intact. From this point forward one can lead a life half-lived or not lived at all. Half-lived is better than not lived, right. Or what about living a life half-filled or empty. What is it like to live a half-filled life. Filled with what. Quality over quantity is preferred, is it not. Emptiness is not.
Welcome home to what’s no longer home (or welcome, for that matter). Adjust to institutionalized maladjustment—these building blocks of life—elements assembled from a dusty kit unknowingly on factory recall. Build a nest inside the trap. Line it with a soft layer of denial. Once comfortable forget what has never been remembered. Forgetting in advance lessens the pain, though it will still require tending. Pain always requires care and protection. Songs of the past frighten off intruders. Sing yourself to sleep. Ignore the ghosts wandering the halls. They want nothing from you.
*1987 LP recorded by Scottish band Lowlife
Posted by sean on September 17, 2015
https://sd-stewart.com/2015/09/17/diminuendo/
george trakl’s snowy descent
Fascinating critical essay on Austrian poet Georg Trakl and the influence of cocaine and other intoxicants on his work.
(via Public Domain Review)
Posted by sean on October 29, 2014
https://sd-stewart.com/2014/10/29/george-trakls-snowy-descent/
early morning people
The city can seem cold and unfeeling. Thus, the temptation arises to shoehorn the masses into roles limited to acrimony or apathy, simply based on random anecdotal experiences.
Early morning is the best time to mitigate this wrong perception. Early morning people are different. They spontaneously greet each other and show consideration. Kind words are exchanged and eyes, for once, are not averted.
After 9 AM there begins a slow shift for the worse. The late risers trickle to the streets, leaking poison into the day’s veins. By noon, one might as well return to bed and wait for the next morning in order to continue bending this perception back into the right shape.
Posted by sean on September 28, 2014
https://sd-stewart.com/2014/09/28/early-morning-people/
unsolvable word problems
the indivisibility of a single word leaves a remainder of yesterday. a woman is overwhelmed by the memories of the first time she ever did anything. a man has no recollection of the last time he did anything. a child does not appear in this story.
the indivisibility of a single word leaves a remainder of scent. all separate parts join together as a whole. name the value of a single part. prioritize a single recurring sensation. freedom to breathe in, a conscious act of breathing out. this is some semblance of life.
the indivisibility of a single word leaves a remainder of shadows. add up the things and people no longer here. also, the activities, the rituals. stretch a taut coalescence of the before over a bony skeleton of songs. e.g., little maggie and mathey grove caper in the yellow lamplight spilled across the hardwood floor, a dream of distance as anchors tug, hold fast.
the indivisibility of a single word leaves a remainder of dreams. of dusty corners. of regret. of a swallowing up. of a diving down. of a spreading out. of a lossless life. of listless eyes. of a luster tarnished by your breath. of every day, an ending, every day a sort of beginning.
the indivisibility of a single word leaves a remainder of nothing. fill in the blank to receive extra credit: _________________.
Posted by sean on July 28, 2013
https://sd-stewart.com/2013/07/28/unsolvable-word-problems/
severed rat head portends…something…
The extreme is only extreme when seen through another pair of eyes.
If there’s a problem someone has studied it, but likely not solved it.
If you were to invite disaster to dinner, what would you serve it.
If everybody hurts, why do they keep inflicting more pain.
Are certain things actually bad for us or are we just bad at handling certain things…
Removal from one’s environment alters perception.
(But for how long. For. How. Long.)
Places feel a certain way and it’s hard not to notice.
Somewhere else slows time’s passing (is this why some people love to travel).
A wall is a wall until one climbs on top and then it is a perch.
The familiar done in new ways is better than the new done in familiar ways.
If you run in circles you always finish what you start.
The end of the world no longer frightens me.
Posted by sean on July 2, 2013
https://sd-stewart.com/2013/07/02/severed-rat-head-portends-something/