this is not happening

Stage directions: Early April. Temperature outside the workplace claws its brutal way to 96 degrees, the highest recorded temperature in the United States for the day. No, this is not Death Valley…or is it. I am at a loss. The sun beats down with relentless fury, portending bleak times ahead for the mad captain of this ship.

I.  When the heat descends, the city upends. Delirium sets in within hours. Citizens spill out into the streets in a jumble of hot bodies and rude noise. The secrets of indoors suddenly become the public spectacles of outdoors. Sidewalks strewn with condoms. Arguments on front stoops. Dogs shuffle with constant tongues hanging. The pavement shimmers. Desperation spreads like smallpox, every sun-bleached surface contaminated. Crime soars. Murderous intent quickens. We are all immersed in the cacophony.

II.  Morning, I ride the white-pink gauntlet of Calvert, the cherry trees having all plotted the night before to explode in a synchronous burst of clotted blossoms, their rich fragrance drenching the air. Evening, opposite direction, strong winds shower me in white-pink snow, the pavement scattered for a moment with spring’s transient joy.

III.  The suddenness of everyone outside alarms me. Days before, winter still proffered its shield. Now inside is hot and none of us want to be there, though the basement calls to me with its cool concrete floor. How I wish to lay my fevered face against its chilled surface.

IV.  At night, strange explosions reverberate in the thick air, like automatic gunfire or heat thunder, ricocheting from east to west and back. I pause in the glow of the sodium lamp, my skin bathed orange. Abort mission, return to home base.

V.  Morning breaks open the day like a grey egg. And once again there is nothing to fear.

spring sprang sprung

With the year’s first sighting of cigar-smoking man (scroll to the bottom of that page for full enlightenment), we solemnly herald the official arrival of the so-called warm season (so-called by me, that is). Cigar-smoking man (or cigar-smoking guy, as he is also sometimes known) appears to be growing a beard. He was not in the company of his lady friend. I wonder if they are still an item, as they say (the other, more generic they, that is).

Warm season brings a slow shedding of clothing. An increase in flesh exposed to the sun’s rays. Perhaps even corporate nudity. Certainly tourists.  And what I fear most of all: mosquito death squads. It’s all too much.

What will I write about this warm season without sounding highly repetitive.

Wait, don’t read those other posts…it will all soon become painfully familiar.

georg trakl

On The Marshy Pastures

A man who walks in the black wind; the dry reeds
            rustle quietly
Through the silence of the marshy pastures. In
            the grey skies
A migration of wild birds move in ranks
Catty-corner over dark waters.

Insurgence. In the collapsing houses
Decay is fluttering out with black wings;
Crippled-up birches breathe heavily in the wind.

Evening in empty roadhouses. The longing for home
            settles about
The delicate despair of the grazing flocks,
Vision of the night: toads plunge from silver waters.

—Georg Trakl, Twenty Poems of Georg Trakl

the one and the other dance in the rain

Hello, one.

Hello, other.

It’s raining today.

Yes…wait, are we doing this on Tuesdays now.

I don’t know. Is that a problem.

Well, you know how I am about change…it makes me nervous.

Yes, that’s true…I do know that. But is this really such a big change.

Sometimes it’s not the size of the change, other. Sometimes it’s just how I feel inside.

Maybe it’s the rain.

It could be…is there something we can do about that…

We could dance in it!

Oh!

What do you think.

I like it but I’m feeling shy…

Well, I am rusty, if that makes you feel better.

Do you know the steps.

No…let’s just wing it.

Okay. I just want to feel free, you know.

I know.

Thank you, other.

It’s why I’m here, one.

Maybe it will be a misty rain!

I hope so…let’s go.

Okay.

[interlude of wet frenetic dancing]

I feel so much better, other!

I know! That was fantastic!

We should dance more often.

We really should.

Will you remind us.

I’ll try.

Goodbye, other!

‘Til next time!

erasure published

Hi.

My erasure text, part of a larger work-in-progress called Book of Thoughts, was published the other day at Ink Sweat & Tears, a U.K.-based poetry and prose webzine, whose “tastes are eclectic and magpie-like.” I like that.

Goodbye!

the one and the other discuss the weather

What is up with this winter, other.

I don’t know, one, but it is a strange one for sure.

I have a bad feeling that this winter is going to be like last winter where I felt so unworthy of spring!

Ah, yes, I remember…you were in a state, one, a real fragile state.

I know! cried the one. What ever will I do if it is like that again?

We’ll make it through together. Please don’t worry, one.

Oh thank you, other, thank you…you are too sweet. Tell me again how you got to be so sweet. Tell me the story. Tell me, other, telllll meeeee!

I took a distance learning course!

Wheee! You are ridiculous, other. Did I ever tell you that?

Yes, one…many times! But now I must go lie down.

Ohhh…do you have a sadness in you today, other?

Yes, one, I do.

Can I help?

Just your being here is helping. The way I feel you listening even when there are no words, one…that means so much.

I’m glad, other, I really am…but this sadness, see, I just want to wring its spiny little neck! I want to banish it!

I appreciate that, one. I really do.

But does it ever go away, other? The sadness…does it…does it ever leave you…

Not really…there are always traces. But it helps to not feel so alone with it.

I like to help you, other. I don’t always understand but it’s okay, right?

Of course it is! You help me so much, one. Now, where is that chocolate bar you’ve been saving for emergencies…

continuing studies in probability

I have suddenly begun encountering my neighbors all the time. Maybe they read what I wrote about them. Actually that is highly improbable. It’s funny to think about, though. Yes, it is. To me, at least. That they would intentionally make themselves more accessible to me based upon reading my musings on why I never see them is hilarious. But it’s more likely that this is related to the phenomenon I encounter with things like mist and nemesis birds, wherein something once recognized and acknowledged suddenly becomes omnipresent. Yes, that must be it. I must let it simmer longer, though.

A poem-fragment-something of mine called “The sights and sounds of leaving” appears in the 2012 issue of Paper Nautilus. Being a paper nautilus it only creeps out into the world in paper form. Copies are available here. I have one more forthcoming publication in 2013 (an erasure text) but that will likely be it for a while. The submission process strangles the life out of me and punctures holes into my dreamy writing life (for an extended even darker view, see also: this). I am reclaiming that life.

the one and the other tackle tuesdays

Hello Other!

Hello One!

How are you.

I’m okay. And yourself?

Well, I am glad we busted out of that place they locked us up in.

Yes, me too. It felt so ignominious there. That was clever of you to prop that door open.

Why thank you. So, other….it appears that this is a Tuesday. Usually we are in the habit of convening here on Mondays.

Hmm…I believe you are correct.

What do you think about Tuesdays, other?

Well, it’s my understanding that they are generally neutral.

Other! That is not what I asked! How do you feeeeel about them, other.

Okay…well, the icy horror of Monday has begun to fade a bit. I think Tuesdays are akin to sitting in a tepid bath. The top of one’s body is still chilly and the lower parts are only mildly warm.

Good analogy, other! I think you have something there. I hate tepid baths. They are of no use to me.

So what do we do now. I don’t feel much like griping about Tuesdays.

I know. It’s a conundrum. And I feel unsettled by the sounds of someone trying to saw a hole  into our space here.

Yes, what is that? Is it the telltale saw of Monday still chiseling and chipping away at our souls?

Could be.  All I know is I want it to stop.

Maybe it won’t until Wednesday. What a horrible thought.

Other?

Yes?

What do you think would happen if a being with no feelings came together with a being with too many feelings?

I’m not sure. I think it would be difficult. I think each being would need to be careful to avoid becoming a spectator to the other’s unique pain. They would each need to learn how to speak the other’s language. Wait…are you talking about us?

I don’t know.

More of The One and the Other.

ice wrench grip

Clutching the bedside table again. After so many nights with it lodged against my hip. And now while cross-checking your references. The calming effects of copyediting, the sly satisfaction of reducing months of hard labor to a few sentences in need of tightening. I reach in with my wrench and look for loose bolts, as in my ears the sun kills the moon. And now the wind blows. An exchange of smiles is a warm point of light in ice. Now occupied with the business of shuttering another week. So carry me, carry me, Ohio.

indicators and implications

Water main break sends me scurrying yesterday from the building. I tried to stay but the fire alarm went off. I think they were trying to flush us out. Begone, you office trolls! It seems there are water mains breaking everywhere in this city. Our aging infrastructure simply cannot handle a violent shift from warm to below freezing to warm again. Get home, pull up the shade to a turkey vulture gliding overhead. I resent the implication this bird is making toward my general state of liveliness. I am not dead. It’s simply not true. Maybe the vultures should go feed on all the dead water mains instead. Crunch, crunch.

This may sound familiar to long-suffering regular readers, but how one reacts from inside an elevator to the sight of another person walking (hurrying, even) toward said elevator, defines at a base level the kind of human being one is. Most other indicators are largely irrelevant to me; they require too much interaction, too much time to reach a satisfactory conclusion. If I want to know in an instant, a blinding flash, what kind of person a certain human is I will hurry toward the elevator in which she or he stands, looking out at me with either compassion or disgust, and I, at her or him in return with either gratitude or disappointment. What transpires in that brief moment shall inform me of what stuff they [sic] are made. I am reminded of my experience at the revolving door the other day. The simplicity, the stripped-down bareness, of this moment, two humans moving in opposing directions, yet united in one shared motion to move themselves, and each other, forward to where they needed to be. To ignore the sublimity of these moments would be tragic.

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