Certainly routine has its place in life. For example, recently an infant stayed at my house for an extended visit, affording me the chance to observe how routines helped both the parents and the infant (unknowingly, perhaps) to manage their life together. Point to ponder: even from an early age, we humans experience life as an ordered structure of events. But when too much of your life feels governed by routine, this can’t be a good thing. Take office work, for example. I work in an office setting; however, many of the people in the field in which I work are drawn to it because of the opportunity for travel. They itch to travel, and when they don’t get to, they are restless. They seek escape from the office drone lifestyle, so infused is it with the boredom of routine. I personally don’t want to travel for work, and I suffer the consequences of asserting that preference. I face the blandness of routine each and every work day, but I don’t think that I wish for the complete disappearance of routine from my life. It has helped me in the past and I still see some value in it. In some cases, I even think it keeps me from completely falling apart. But what does everyone else think? I feel like I’m talking in circles. Will anyone de-lurk and weigh in on this issue? I know there are at least a few of you reading this thing.
All posts by sean
routine part ii
Posted by sean on December 8, 2009
https://sd-stewart.com/2009/12/08/routine-part-ii/
routine
Drinking cold coffee and thinking about routine. Do you love or loathe it? I’m conflicted, myself. Stepping outside of routine allows new perspective to flood in, the cracks and gaps full of seeping insights. But without the comfort of familiarity wrapped around us, we are vulnerable. There is exposure to the unknown. There is loss of control. The older I get the more I think about this. Do I want to walk along the boundaries, toeing the lines, free to move across them at any time? Do I want to take those risks that seem less appealing with each passing year? Does being grounded have to shut off the tap to the creative flow, or even merely reduce it to a trickle that barely hydrates a parched mind? Is there a way to squeeze a pulsing ribbon of liquid life down to those potbound roots? Perhaps I have not struggled fiercely enough. Maybe there is a balance that I just have not yet discovered.
Posted by sean on December 8, 2009
https://sd-stewart.com/2009/12/08/routine/
if dante had worked here, there would be another circle of hell in the inferno
Today is meeting day at work. Tuesday is always meeting day. In my lexicon, meeting day is known as the Inferno. We have an all-staff meeting, and then after only a 30-minute reprieve (Purgatorio), my section has its weekly meeting. These section meetings are excruciating and often stretch their weedy tendrils into the lunch hour, so that near the end everyone has been stricken blind by the gnawing hunger in their bellies, and they begin to hallucinate that there are even more items to discuss on the agenda. Nine times out of ten there is absolutely nothing on the agenda that relates directly to my work and so the torture is particularly poignant for me. The boss man spews his oily drivel and we all flop around in it. We drink down his bitter poison and smile through our gag reflexes, even as our insides melt away. Then I go back to my desk and stare hollow-eyed at the computer until the end of the day.
On many of these days, the only moments I truly feel alive are those I spend biking to work. Attention to my surroundings is crucial, as traffic is unpredictable and hazards abound. At work, at my desk, my senses dull to a blunted finish. I sit for hours, an empty husk, with glazed eyes and blank mind. At the end of the day, I struggle to shake it off for the ride home.
Every day they dump new blazing coals upon us, and the greedy flames consume another chunk of our dignity. As the fat sizzles, so do our ideals.
P.S. Someone just told me that the staff meeting has been moved to Thursday. Perhaps there is light at the end of the tunnel after all!
Posted by sean on December 8, 2009
https://sd-stewart.com/2009/12/08/if-dante-had-worked-here-there-would-be-another-circle-of-hell-in-the-inferno/
snowy day
As I stare out the window, fluffy puffs of snow drift purposefully down from the sky. They signal a lazy day, or at least they provide rationalization for such. As the first of the season, they also hammer the final nail in the coffin lid of autumn, and prod me into a grudging admittance that winter is definitely here now. Yesterday morning, I searched in vain again for the Red-headed Woodpeckers at Irvine. It was cold, gray, and quite birdy, with loads of other woodpeckers, sparrows (including several Fox Sparrows), many jays, and the other usual suspects. I also surprised an interesting looking squirrel. It was smaller than an Eastern Gray Squirrel, with a reddish tail and mostly blonde body. Blonde phases of gray squirrels are not uncommon, but I’m not too sure about a red/blonde mix.
Feeling a bit restless now so I think I better venture out of the house. Maybe more later?
Posted by sean on December 5, 2009
https://sd-stewart.com/2009/12/05/snowy-day/
expert daydreamer for hire
Hello, I am a fully licensed and bonded daydreamer. There is no one more qualified than me to stare out a window all day and think fanciful thoughts. My highly active imagination generates a constant flow of grandiose ideas and intricate schemes without a single accompanying thread of motivation to follow through on implementing any of them. Lately, this has become an unwieldy burden while attempting to complete the typically mundane tasks that comprise my current job. Hence, I am seeking alternate employment. If you choose to hire me, I ask only for a desk near a window, preferably with a comfortable chair, perhaps even one that reclines. I propose to sit at that desk from approximately 9 AM to 5 PM, Monday through Thursday (I always take Fridays off for personal time), and gaze thoughtfully out the window as my mind wanders untethered to any one particular task. I take approximately 45 minutes for lunch, and I prefer to be left undisturbed during my working hours. However, often at the end of the day I grow more gregarious and can often be provoked into imparting some of the keen insights and clever theories that have sprung forth from the fertile loam of my grey matter during the previous 8 hours. These bits and pieces of mental flotsam may often have grave relevance to the success of your business, and I will freely expound upon them, provided you do not expect me to do anything beyond that. Salary requirements are available upon request.
Posted by sean on December 2, 2009
https://sd-stewart.com/2009/12/02/expert-daydreamer-for-hire/
from the bottom of the roiling pond
As I mentioned a couple of posts ago, the previous name of this blog had nothing to do with the content. It was just a nod to a type of wordplay that I enjoy. I think that many disappointed web searchers arrived at the site as a result. The new name is actually an old one, the title of an essay I wrote many years ago. It’s about a common thing that happens between people: you bond through shared experience, but as the vaporous passion and overstimulation of youth burn away over the slow dull coals of maturity, you perceive the true tenuous nature of that bond. Either what we need from other people changes as we grow older, or it just takes us awhile to figure out what we needed in the first place. Then again, with human beings it is rarely a matter of one option or another. Sometimes other people simply stop giving us what we need, either consciously or unconsciously. Or we tire of seeking it out from them, realizing we’d sooner squeeze blood from a stone. I suppose that, in the end, it’s usually a blurry blend of all of the above. Often when I look around and try to figure out what’s going on in the world, it’s like I’m peering through a jar of cloudy pond water. I see signs of life and movement, but what it all points toward is beyond me.
Posted by sean on November 30, 2009
https://sd-stewart.com/2009/11/30/from-the-bottom-of-the-roiling-pond/
sparrow dreams
Yesterday I decided to go birding this morning at Irvine Nature Center, because there had been reports of Red-headed Woodpeckers seen and heard there recently. I’ve only seen one once before, and it was only a brief glimpse. Then last night I dreamt that I saw a Fox Sparrow while out birding. The Fox Sparrow is my favorite of the “winter” sparrows in this area, and I hadn’t yet seen one this year. So today I was hoping that even if I didn’t see a Red-headed Woodpecker, I would at least get a Fox Sparrow as a consolation prize. Well, I did! I found one scratching around up along a ridge. I also kept hearing a Brown Creeper (another favorite) calling shortly afterward, but never could locate it. There were plenty of other woodpeckers about, and many Dark-eyed Juncos. I ran into some other birders who were also out looking for the Red-headed Woodpeckers. We exchanged birding pleasantries, and then I headed back to the parking lot, not completely satisfied, but satisfied enough.
Posted by sean on November 28, 2009
https://sd-stewart.com/2009/11/28/sparrow-dreams/
rethreading the needle
I decided it was time for a change around here. Not just the colors, but the name itself! A misnomer I’ve been itching to fix. The name never reflected the content, so I vowed to one day rectify that duplicity. Now that day has come! Unfortunately, the few of you who read this thing will now encounter a broken link. Hopefully we’ll reconnect at some point.
I’m trying to rediscover my writing voice. I temporarily lost it along the way somewhere. Or rather, I stopped using it as much and it faltered, got rusty, dried up, whatever. But I feel the words welling up again, surging toward my fingertips. And I’m hoping that as they travel through me their flow will act as a salve to the ugly welts that have sprung up in my psyche.
Posted by sean on November 21, 2009
https://sd-stewart.com/2009/11/21/rethreading-the-needle/
darker ends to days
Well, I spent much of the week battling illness. It did enable me to catch up on my reading, while also keeping me away from work, which is always a good thing. I felt incredibly restless at times, in between catnaps and long stretches of reading, causing me to marvel again at how elastic a day can seem when there is no set agenda. Time off to myself leads to reflection, of course. I’ve neglected this blog, my attempts at musical expression, and inevitably a few other things (keeping in touch with people comes to mind). I could make excuses, but they’ve exhausted their validity by now. I have a house now and that is incredibly awesome. However, I’m deeper in the city and I miss my feathered friends at the window feeder. The overwhelming majority of feeder birds in my backyard now are House Sparrows and Mourning Doves, with only occasional chickadees and cardinals. The age-old seesaw continues to teeter and totter: city versus country, socialite versus hermit. My mind expands but I’m still really just going nowhere. In short, not a whole lot has changed. There’s a strange sort of comfort in that. Maybe it’s getting older and becoming more comfortable in my own skin. It’s like I feel less inclined to explain myself; my funny ways are just part of who I am. And I’m okay with that.
Posted by sean on November 6, 2009
https://sd-stewart.com/2009/11/06/darker-ends-to-days/
fall into music
Some autumnal musical selections of late:
The Mercury Program
The Dismemberment Plan
Six Organs of Admittance
Joy Division (of course)
The Cure (of course)
Red Sparowes
Built to Spill
Shipping News
Pavement
Out Hud
Codeine
Ida
I heard a song from the new Sonic Youth album and I really liked it. I haven’t bought one of their albums in a long time, but I think I will get this one.
Not much to say these days, just living, living, trying not to brood too much. Fall migration is winding down and I’m starting to think about projects for the winter. Lots of possibilities rattling around up there: planning for spring planting, sorting out the zine collection and shipping it off for donation somewhere, going through old recordings and getting this music collaboration with JF off the ground, finishing the painting projects, writing, writing, writing…yep, plenty to do.
Posted by sean on October 13, 2009
https://sd-stewart.com/2009/10/13/fall-into-music/
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