So yesterday was better than Friday in that productivity was higher, although general satisfaction levels still hovered in the mid to low range. Today was somewhat of an extension of yesterday, with a slightly higher level of satisfaction, despite the persistent fog of malaise that continues to linger. It being Sunday evening, the impending doom of Monday has crept forth from its desolate lair and now squats smugly before me, its red demon eyes narrowed and its curved yellow fangs dripping with the juice of the last few wasted hours of freedom.
leaving the house was a big mistake
Now, I could provide an extensive explanation of why today was a complete and utter disaster, but there would be no redeeming value in a post like that. Instead I will tell you why Bank of America sucks. Or at least one reason among the five million other ones that are already out there floating around. Today I attempted to go to a new (to me) branch of BOA that, during a recent run, I had noted as being close to my house. So I ride over there on my bicycle, lock it up, and then discover that this BOA branch is a drive-thru bank only. Well, okay, I think, I will just walk over and get in line behind these five cars and wait my turn in the drizzle. I wait and wait, and then when I finally get up to the drive-thru teller, she tells me that she can’t serve me because I am not inside a vehicle. Whoah. The appropriate expression of frustrated outrage immediately spreads across my face as I brusquely reply with the question of, “Well, then, where is the closest bank that I, as a pedestrian, am permitted to patronize?” Down the street, she says. Back on my bicycle I get then, and ride my way down the street through the rain. Having already endured multiple setbacks since beginning my quest to do something productive with the day, my irritation with this one felt more like a blunt object hitting the back of my head multiple times in slow motion than the rapid-fire bee stings and snake bites of earlier in the day. Here is the issue at hand, though: several years ago, I lived in a town that had the same type of BOA branch, where only the drive-thru lanes were open. And every other week I walked up to them with my paycheck and was warmly greeted and served by the tellers. So obviously this is not a BOA national policy. The only possible explanation I can think of for not serving a walk-up customer is that it’s a safety issue. However, if I were to, say, decide to point a gun at the teller and demand all the bank’s money, I’m fairly confident that I would have a better chance of escaping in a car than I would on foot. Maybe that’s going out on a limb, but I’m willing to go there. So not only does this policy make no sense, it is also discriminatory, in that a person who cannot afford a car or chooses not to use one is prohibited from using this particular bank. Now, as a virtually full-time bike commuter and pedestrian, I have often felt discriminated against in this car-centric society we live in here in the good ol’ USA, but I have to say that this one today totally blindsided me. To live without pessimism in this type of hostile environment is a near impossibility. And with that, I will retire to my bed with a book, having turned my back on this day and the forces within it that have worked against me so tirelessly.
Posted by sean on November 9, 2007
https://sd-stewart.com/2007/11/09/leaving-the-house-was-a-big-mistake/
>sluggish
>A cold and rainy Friday disengages me from any potential action. It’s cold outside and cold inside, with nowhere in between to crawl into and hide. It’s not that I don’t want to accomplish anything. Because I do. There are many things I need to do. But half my body has already shut down again after only a few waking hours. I drag it along with me around the house like some aggregation of useless appendages, flopping around and weighing me down. So I look in the dictionary for answers and find this word that, although depressing in nature, accurately describes something that happened to someone last week:
afterclap n. An unexpected, often unpleasant sequel to a matter that had been considered closed.
Posted by sean on November 9, 2007
https://sd-stewart.com/2007/11/09/sluggish/
insane human posse
>I would like to state for the record that humans are incredibly ridiculous. At any given time, I cannot tell if I should flee from them into the forest, or embrace them and revel in their ludicrousness. Last night I dreamt that one of my friends was trying to make me into a vampire. That really doesn’t have anything to do with the first part of this post, but I just thought I’d share. I think I need a vacation. Scratch that. I know I need a vacation.
Posted by sean on November 8, 2007
https://sd-stewart.com/2007/11/08/insane-human-posse/
crazy time
>It is now ten days before the deadline of the annual photo contest at work. I start to become a little unhinged during this period. Caffeine intake increases, behavior becomes more erratic, and my patience with contest participants drops sharply off. This temporal madness will last for at least a couple of weeks.
As usual I have more to say, but no time to say it in. I need to blank out with my book and eat my lunch with my back to this infernal screen.
Posted by sean on November 6, 2007
https://sd-stewart.com/2007/11/06/crazy-time/
yawp
>Stressful times of late have been observed here at Rhetoric World Headquarters. The fish absorbs all pollutants released in its environment through its scaly flesh. But the spawning season looms. I feel one of Whitman’s famed barbaric yawps welling up. It agitates inside me and burns to be let out. But when? And in what setting? One cannot plan these things; they just happen and you hope not to embarrass yourself in the process.
Alas, the activities of the work day reel me back in to the muddy Monday shore.
Posted by sean on November 5, 2007
https://sd-stewart.com/2007/11/05/yawp/
joyful day
>I don’t think I’ve ever been happier for a person than I was today. I probably have not even ever been so happy for myself. Because this person knows what they want (yes, I know it’s not correct grammar…whatever, I’m not using s/he), and they jumped through a lot of fiery hoops to get where they are. And then they waited…and waited…and waited longer…and endured some absurdly frustrating circumstances in the meantime. I deeply respect that. And I envy this person’s absolute certainty that they love what they do. Because it is a rare thing, at least in my experience, to find something you love to do so much and find that you can also be compensated monetarily for it. It takes colossal effort and experimentation to merely find something that you love to do day in and day out, never mind getting paid for it. This is not something that I have successfully achieved, nor will I probably ever. The activities that I am truly passionate about, that pulse joyfully through my veins, are unlikely to ever bring me enough income to live on. So I will continue to slog on through the mindless jobs that come my way, carving out from them the necessary allotments of time I require to maintain my sanity by riding my bike and bleeding black words upon the page. But that’s okay; I accept my fate. And this person who is so important to me will shine on as a radiant beacon of hope and optimism before me. I will bask in that warm glow, and be ever thankful…for you and for all the joy you bring me.
Posted by sean on November 2, 2007
https://sd-stewart.com/2007/11/02/joyful-day/
>sick
>I’m at home sick for the second day in a row. On one hand, it’s a pleasant escape from the everyday drudgery. But I get stir crazy very easily, and so virtually all of the appeal has worn off by this halfway point through the second day. I’m ready to throw myself back into the crazy world. I’ve mostly just stayed in bed for the past two days, and so everything outside of the bedroom has become suddenly foreign to me. Venturing to other parts of the house is a risky undertaking, and everything looks weird out there because I haven’t seen it in two days. It doesn’t help that it’s finally gotten cold here and the bedroom is currently the only room that is heated. So not only is it weird outside the bedroom, but it is also cold. Two strikes against leaving this safe haven.
Tomorrow is Halloween and I am not prepared due to my illness and, prior to that, my general laziness. I can’t seem to get myself together for this holiday in recent years. A long time ago, Halloween was a sacred time for me and my group of compatriots (many of whom I saw this past weekend for the first time in a couple of years). But lately I’ve been lacking in enthusiasm. The most fun I’ve had on Halloween in recent years was two years ago when I rode in the Halloween Critical Mass ride. Now that was fun. There is another Halloween ride this year (not CM) but I’m not sure I’ll be feeling well enough to participate.
Well, this afternoon is dragging, even more than an afternoon at work normally does. I suppose I should go find something mind-numbing to fill up a few hours. Maybe I will check the mail, too. First time outside the house in two days…could be exciting!
Posted by sean on October 30, 2007
https://sd-stewart.com/2007/10/30/sick/
generalities
>I always wanted to major in Generalities. I think I’d be good at that. I don’t like to specialize, although I’m afraid that’s what I’ve gone and done. Specialization leads to pigeonholing, compartmentalization, and eventual extinction. One sees it in nature all the time. Someone inevitably comes along and destroys whatever you need in order to do your thing. It doesn’t matter if it’s a life or death issue. This could be a woodpecker disappearing when all specimens of its very favorite tree to peck at have been chopped down and made into widgets. Or it could be a number-crunching human losing its job to a sassy new computer program. On the other hand, if you stay general you are rewarded with a larger territory (witness the common sparrow), or a fatter salary with less responsibilities (witness the common executive).
But beyond just reasons of pure survival, I enjoy the general because it’s easy and fun. I’d much rather know a little about a lot, than way too much about the same boring thing. I’m okay with learning a fair amount about one thing as long as I get to move on to something else after the boredom sets in. [I just noticed that I’m using the word “thing” a lot. I don’t really care. Point of possible interest: in Texas they use the word “deal” in place of “thing.” It might actually be more rampant in common conversation than “thing” now that I think about it. I’m not sure why. I think it’s interesting, anyway].
To kind of wrap this up, I don’t remember having the option of studying Generalities in college. I don’t know if that’s even a choice anymore. It certainly doesn’t seem like it would get you a job. I can only imagine the interviews…”So, Mr. Blah, what did you learn in college that you feel prepared you for this job?” “Well, I majored in Generalities so I learned about stuff, in general, but I can’t really get into the specifics of the stuff, so…”
Honestly, though, I think I would’ve excelled in Generalities. I mean, how are you supposed to know at age 18 what you want to spend four years studying in preparation for a lifetime of work in that field? It’s preposterous, really. Absurd. Not that it matters anymore what you study in college. Someone told me the other day that “they” are calling the bachelor’s degree the new high school diploma and the master’s degree the new bachelor’s degree. Why is it even called a bachelor’s degree? Can’t you be married and get one, too? And what about all the unmarried bachelorettes? What do they get? But I digress. Whenever I hear people saying such and such is the “new” something else, I feel physically ill.
In conclusion, I would love to be able to answer the annoyingly ubiquitous question of “So, what do you do?” with “Oh, I’m a Generalist.” And not just a Generalist, but a career Generalist. Let me know if you hear of any openings.
Posted by sean on October 25, 2007
https://sd-stewart.com/2007/10/25/generalities/
and finally there was rain.
>After a very parched couple of months, we wake to a rainy day. I miss them. This morning a wee bird hunched under the awning of the feeder, leisurely pecking away at its breakfast and looking out at the wet green world around it. I feel like hunching down somewhere myself after the hellion broke through the veil of sleep last night, leaving me with a few hours of restless twisting and turning before NPR finally popped on and banished all hope of returning to slumber land. Spacey accurately describes my current state of mind.
I watched Jesus Camp the other night. Disturbing, but nothing I didn’t expect already. More fertilizer for growing the decision to leave the country, or better yet, the planet. On Monday at work I read that by 2050 the UN predicts that the world population will stand at over 9 billion, which is about 40 percent higher than what it is today, meaning that we will need the equivalent of two Earths in order to sustain ourselves. Since we all know that we don’t have an extra Earth lying around, those of us who are below the age of, say, 45 are likely to witness cataclysmic death and destruction on a grand scale we have previously not seen in our lifetimes.
The American people, including our stupid current presidential administration, are largely in denial. The carbon footprint of the average North American is double that of a European, and seven times that of the average Asian or African. The United States alone produces 25 percent of world CO2 emissions. We are digging a grave big enough for the whole world to lie in. How considerate of us. I’m sick of hearing about voluntary emissions caps for our corporate thugs. I’m sick of reading these facts and figures at work that put me in a foul mood and make everything seem hopeless. And I’m sick of standing with my bike at city intersections, coughing from the exhaust fumes, and watching as cars, SUVs, and minivans pass by, with nearly every one of them empty besides the driver.
Posted by sean on October 24, 2007
https://sd-stewart.com/2007/10/24/and-finally-there-was-rain/
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