Given that 2% of Americans think Mitt Romney’s first name is Mittens,

And that my childhood cat’s name was Mittens,

And that Mitt Romney’s first name is actually Willard,

And that my neighbor’s cat’s name is Willard,

I conclude that Mitt Romney is a cat.

There are two possible explanations for why he does not resemble a cat during public appearances. Either he is (1) a shape-shifter or (2) a cat in a man suit.

Please do not challenge me on this. I don’t want to hear it. Have a good day now.