woodcock-blocked

Yesterday, the dulcet tones of the resident mockingbird guided me through my morning rituals. Once the eyes and ears have awakened to nature’s wonder, they just keep opening wider each day. Even in this broken and struggling city, there are many dazzling natural phenomena to discover. Often they are subtle and may take time to become attuned to, but with a little searching a reward will come. And it will keep paying out over a lifetime.

In that spirit, we set out one night last week to look for American Woodcocks at a local park.  I’d yet to lay eyes or ears on this elusive and fascinating bird.  A report on a birding discussion list tipped me off to their presence at this particular park, and so it seemed like a good opportunity.  During spring months, the male woodcocks come out at dusk in open fields to perform their “sky dance” (as described by Aldo Leopold) in hopes of attracting a mate.  We arrived at the park around 7:30 PM and walked down the trail in the fading light. About a quarter mile in, we heard several woodocks making their “peent” calls.  Soon we arrived at the power line cut, a broad open area, and found two other birders staked out below the trail at what sounded like the epicenter of the “peenting” activity.  We hung around for about ten minutes, until my companion began showing heightened signs of anxiety concerning the rapidly increasing darkness.  No flight displays had been observed, but I reluctantly headed back down the trail.  As we neared the parking area, we saw a truck with its lights on and a ranger walking around.  Two other cars besides ours were present.  We reached our car just as the ranger was copying down the license plate number onto a ticket.  I approached him and explained that we were looking for woodcocks, thinking that a park ranger would share the enthusiasm of people using the park to observe nature.  Instead I was met with a blank stare, followed by a typical verbose string of law enforcement pedantry, whereby arbitrary rules are repeated ad nauseum in the tone and manner with which one usually addresses a disobedient toddler.  Yes, officer, I heard you the first of the now six times (and counting!) that you have told me the park closes at sunset.  Thank you for pointing out in an incredulous tone that it’s now well past that point in time.  It’s a pity that the woodcock is unwilling to accommodate the draconian time constraints you impose upon well-meaning folks who endeavor to quietly observe this marvel of the natural world.  Thankfully, our new friend was kind enough to let us off with a carefully enunciated and frequently repeated warning.  Not so lucky were the owners of that Toyota Prius parked next to our car, who were undoubtedly still ravaging naked through the woods when we left, setting random fires and hurling empty whiskey bottles at the local deer.

I know that park rangers are just following orders, and there are perhaps (although in this location doubtfully so) people who shouldn’t be allowed in parks after dark. And maybe that’s the problem:  it would be considered “discriminatory” to ban certain people but allow others, so as a result we all suffer.  But if there were no limits on public land, would it all just end up trashed?  It’s a tough question to answer, because by answering yes we acknowledge that people are essentially programmed to self-destruct, or at least to destroy the planet that sustains their existence.  And certainly history has more than hinted at this predisposition.  By answering no, on the other hand, we are branded as naive by those who set the rules.  It’s a conversation that could proceed in a perpetual circle.

All philosophical musings aside, I just want to see the woodcock spiral toward the sky.  A simple and innocent enough desire, or so I thought.  But I don’t want to be harassed by some park cop in the process.  Why is that so much to ask?

this slate can never be erased

Foment angst so there is a thing to describe, not straight nor flat nor dull nor the same as before, but colored instead with the red of madness.  Like Dillard says, stalk the gaps.  But sometimes there’s waiting to be done.  Blank days, empty months, they shape themselves into forms you will recognize in time.  I can’t even pretend to care anymore about the empty words flaking down around me, stuffing my mouth with cotton ideas, my head so ready to explode its vitriol across the table, spreading over your useless papers, seeping through the fabric of your dress pants.  My internal voice so hoarse from screaming the vilest curses I can barely think just a word when I finally throw my leg up over the handlebars in defeat and make it all a shrinking dot behind me.  I’m hollowed out from the inside, your words carved out whatever mattered and replaced it with a frothy foam devoid of substance.  I sit and wait, sit and wait.  There may be nothing out there, nothing at all, but I still sense the madness, up in the corners, in the late night hours, triggers ablaze in the dark circles around your eyes.  I seize upon it and bite down to suck it dry.  I will fill myself back up, every time, no matter how many times you empty me. 

yup, sunday night

Ah, Sunday night…when I linger even longer over ads for jobs that I will never ever bother to apply for.  Sunday night, when a certain gray woolen world-weariness descends, tamping out the embers that have sparked to life over three days away from the twelfth circle of Hell. 

But to focus on the positive, it was a good weekend…full of birding and time with friends (and even some family).  Friday night I enjoyed an excellent dinner here with said friends and family.  I spent a lot of time outside, enjoying the amazing weather.  Also, gardening materials were gathered today.  Soon the raised bed will be constructed and seeds will be planted.  On Friday at Lake Roland, I heard my FOY (that’s first-of-year for you non-birders) Pine Warbler and Eastern Phoebe.  On Saturday at North Point State Park, I saw my FOY Osprey, while barbecuing with friends a few steps away from the Bay.  Earlier that day, a friend and I attended naturalist extraordinaire Jim Peters’ bird walk at Fort McHenry.  The highlights for me were a very cooperative Brown Creeper that literally seemed to be following us around (best looks I’ve ever gotten at this bird), and a small flock of Fox Sparrows (soon to be headed north!).  At the Fort I also saw my FOY Tree Swallows, a welcome sight indeed.  So it was definitely an awesome weekend for spotting and hearing a few of the early migrants, as well as for fraternizing with some of my non-feathered friends.

Now I will return to Winesburg, Ohio for a final visit before I move on in my travels, next time to Texasville.

be all end all

Twin telescreens of death stare unblinking at your bleary listless eyes.  Four o’clock on a day of daylight supposedly saved, but actually just an extra hour wasted in a box inside of a box inside of a grimy concrete and asphalt wrapping.  An hour saved, an hour squandered.  I’m so worn down by the angles, the geometry of what surrounds me, what stares me rigid in the face.  I’m tired of the traps, the ones I walk into every day knowing they are there, and knowing they will snare me once again.  Day in, day out, I disappoint myself…my raging imagination like a balloon full of nitrous I suck on just enough to keep me standing up (and sitting down).  It’s a cheap high, and the euphoria of what whets my synapses carries me along, as the concavity of my soul deepens.  Further degradation in my psyche occurs, my social development a crumbling stone wall snaking back through the years behind me, each day pounded into smaller pieces, ’til no longer can I see through the cloud of rock dust to even know there’s someone on the other side.  There’s no alarm system triggered, no preventive maintenance performed, no evasive action taken.  I am unsupervised….out roaming the barren plains, shuffling and stumbling over minor events while veering away from major catastrophes.  I am giddy and lightheaded with a belly full of lead shot.  I want to run and never stop.  I wrote once that stasis has its merits but even then I knew motion was the skeleton key.  When you’re limb-locked and dusty, there is no other cure.

spring has come a-knockin’

Some recent signs:

First butterfly sighting of the year…an Eastern Comma soaking up the sun in the pine barrens area at Lake Roland.

I observed in awe the sheer determination of this sycamore fruit that had poked its roots down through two inches of snow to find the ground below.  Damn the snow!  I will sink myself into terra firma, for I must grow upwards!

I picked apart another sycamore fruit that was lying nearby (there were many of them).  Inside, it looked like this:

Meanwhile, a Song Sparrow sung mightily from the marsh area of the park.  He was too far away for a photo, especially with my point-and-click, but the sheer jubilance of his song filled my heart with joy.

This morning, a  juvenile Cooper’s Hawk eyed the feeder from its perch on the power line out back.  Looking for breakfast, but the little birds were too smart.  Someone must’ve tipped them off.  The Cooper’s was a new yard bird, and hung around long enough for us to have a good long look.

Also, inaugural House Finches appeared at the feeder.  A pair of’em.  Not sure why we hadn’t yet seen this ubiquitous feeder bird.  At the old house, they were probably the most abundant bird at the feeders, but until today we hadn’t seen a single one here at the new place.

Out front, a Song Sparrow rooted around under the rose bush.

On my bike ride to work:  about 200 Canada Geese honking and flying in V formation, headed due north.  I saw a similar sized flock yesterday morning.  It gives me goosebumps…such a powerful and primal event to witness!

Cardinals sang in almost every block of my ride.  And the grackles have grown much more vociferous with their strange electronic sounds.  They’ve also been making daily visits to the feeder.  I like to watch them drink from the bird bath because they have to point their beaks straight up in order to swallow. It actually looks quite elegant, especially when the morning sun catches their iridescent feathers just right.

furthest

I’ve made it to the end of another of my work weeks.  There’s something that seems not quite right about this drive to “make it through another week.” Shouldn’t we be treating every day as an amazing gift, not something to slog our way to the end of?  People say, oh, if I can just make it to Friday.  Yeah, well, you made it…so what are you going to do now?  Get drunk for the next two days?  Try to forget your crappy job and live your “real” life for a brief moment?  What a sick system we’ve built for ourselves here.  I generally try to spend Fridays in the woods, away from people, but the blizzards and general crappy weather have hampered that often in recent weeks.  I guess you could say I’m ready for Spring.

Back when we had our work retreat, during one meal I was eating at the same table as our facilitator.  Someone commented on how this one guy had hardly been seen at all outside of the work sessions.  Well, the facilitator said, some people are introverts and it’s hard for them…they need to be by themselves and recharge.  She said that actually she herself was an introvert, and, in fact, that she would probably opt out of the scheduled “social time” after dinner that night (so she could recharge, I suppose).  [I wrote more about this night in an earlier entry].  Anyone who knows me is, I’m sure, well aware of my introverted status.  Sometimes I feel like I never recharge, though.  I often can’t spend enough time by myself.  But other times it feels unhealthy, and I get to the point of craving companionship.  I spend so much time alone that I can drive myself to the breaking point, where I just generally feel crazy and by then it’s too late to be around people because I would just feel and act too weird.  I often find it much easier to connect to sounds, smells, and textures, than to carry on a conversation with a person.  Music is an important interface for me to explore emotions and just generally function in the world.  And clearly nature is integral to my life.  Even though technology surrounds me and I use it every day, I would always choose the natural world over the manufactured world.  Every single time.  So…that’s where I’m at right now, here nearing the end of this week.  We’ll see how it goes tomorrow.  I’m supposed to go look at the stars tomorrow night.  Peering out into the night sky at those celestial bodies so far away.  It sounds pretty perfect, actually, and the forecast looks mostly clear.

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